Cooking with Rukia!
by KuroAi15
Summary: Kuchiki Rukia decides to start her own cooking show and it turns out all weird since she is the only one that actually knows how to cook... rated for some language... plz review! yay! next chapter 6 will be up shortly!
1. 1: Hot dogs at Alucard

YAYAYY! MY SECOND FANFIC!!!!

Welll... it IS kinda like my second fanfic.

My first fanfiction reaaaaally sucked soo... I'm hoping this one will be better.

Cooking With Rukia!

Chapter One- hot dogs

(This idea was taken from Agent HUNK… Agent HUNK, please don't kill me…)

(Agent HUNK writes reaaaally funny bleach fanfics! For example: Random Bleach Tales)

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Rukia: Hi! And welcome to my show! Coooooooking with RUUUUUKIA!!!!!!! Today we

have a special guest! Alucard! reads from card Alucard is a true Nos-feeera-tooo….

Umm… I can't pronounce it…

Alucard: (walks from side of stage wearing a frilly apron, not looking particularily happy)

It's Nosferatu, human. I'm a vampire.

Rukia: oooooooohhhh….. you're a vaaampire….. woooowww…

Alucard: …

Rukia: Moving on! Today we are going to maaaake…. (drum roll) Hot dogs!!!!!

Alucard: such a simple meal?

Rukia: (turns red) hey! If it's that simple, why don't YOU make it??!!!

Alucard: (sighs) fine. I will. Just wait a moment…(walks off stage)

Alucard: (comes back 2 minutes later carrying a Chihuahua) OK. (reaches into a cabinet

and gets out a pan.)

Chilhuahua: (shiver) (whiiine)

Rukia: WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING???!!!!

Alucard: … making a hot dog? (Puts dog in pan and sticks it in the oven) (turns on oven)

Rukia: WHEN I SAID HOT DOG I DIDN'T MEAN IT LITERALLY!!!!!!

Alucard: … what other kind of hot dog do you want? Dalmation? Labrador? Golden

Retriever? Seras, police girl?

Voice in audience (it's seras Victoria): HEYYYYY!!!!!

Chilhuahua: (muffled whiiiiinne)

Rukia: (dives at the oven opens it and grabs the dog) it's okay now… mommy will protect

you…

Alucard: …(growls) why am I here anyway...? (tears off his apron and sinks through the

Ground)

Rukia: Hey! Come back! I HAVEN'T TAUGHT YOU HOW TO COOK HOT DOOGS

YEEEET!!!

Alucard: (underground) like Hell I would…

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Sooo.. that's the first chapter. Tell me what I should correct, what mistakes I have, who should I invite onto the show, etc, etc…

Pleaaaaase review!!!!


	2. 2: sushi bar! yay!

Just before I go on, I have to say… I LOOOOOOVE IICCHIIGOOOO!!!!  
OMG! ICHIGO IS JUST SOOOOO AWESOME AND HOT!!! I JUST LoOOVE HIM!!!!

Now that I have _that_ out of my system….

Oh yeah, I'm not going to do that "dialogue" thing anymore… It's too complicated.. and I'm lazy, you know the:

Me: Hiiii Ichigooo!!!!  
Ichigo: GET AWAY FROM ME ASIAN!!!! (running away)

Me: (chasing him) But ICHIGO!!!! YOU"RE ASIAN TOOOO!!!!!!

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Cooking with Rukia

Chapter Two- sushi

(this idea was NOT taken from Agent HUNK, although once again, his fanfics are HILARIOUS)

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Rukia ran unto the stage grinning widely. The audience cheered. Curtsying, she made her way up to her "kitchen."

"Hi! And welcome to my show! CooOOOOKIIIIIIING WITH RUUUKIaAAAAA!!!!!!" she waved.

"Today, we will be inviting Madarame Ikkaku, 11th division shinigami! Yayayay!" Rukia squealed

Ikkaku was dragged kicking and punching onto the stage by two burly looking security guards. "LET GO OF ME DAMMIT!!!" he screamed at them. The frilly apron Alucard was forced to wear was tied messily around his waist which made more than half the audience laugh.

Unfortunately, poor Ikkaku was in a gigai, so his strength was cut down to less than 1/5 of his usual power.

Rukia grabbed Ikkaku and whacked him on both sides of his temples, knocking him out only temporarily. She dragged him over to one of the cabinets and set him there.

Turning back to the audience she smiled sweetly. An apprehensible shiver ran through the crowd and those in the front seats scooted as far back as they could go.

"huh? Wha-?" Ikkaku woke up and jumped to his feet. "YOU!!!! YOU ABDUCTED ME AND BROU-"

Chopping some avocado, she looked up brandishing a large and very intimidating knife. "Yes?" she smiled.

Ikkaku shivered. This was one girl not to be messed with.

Rukia helped Ikkaku up. "Today," she announced," we are going to make sushi! Right? Ikkaku?" She glanced at him.

Ikkaku quivered inwardly. "Right…" he said.

Rukia brought out the various sorts of sashimi (raw fish) and placed them on the table. "When making sushi," she addressed the audience, " you first cut the sashimi into thin slices." Looking at Ikkaku, she gave a knife to him," Madarame-san, would you be nice enough to cut this for me, please?"

Ikkaku nodded. Rukia turned away and walked to the rice cooker. "Before cooking the rice, you should put 60 ml of vinegar, 30 ml of sugar, and 5 ml of salt into the rice."

Rukia went to the pantry and took out several sheets of seaweed. "Then, you should take out your seawe-"

BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! Ikkaku was furiously cutting the fish into small slices, all the while destroying the cutting board, and the kitchen counter.

Ikkaku's bloodlust rose and was laughing crazily, now wielding houzikamaru, his zanpaktou. He sliced up the fish with deadly accuracy and power. (though his power was only 1/5 of his original power, he's still reaaaaally strong) He succeeded with cutting the fish, but also succeeded in demolishing the kitchen counter.

Nothing but rubble remained except for a chair which Ikkaku destroyed promptly.

Looking around with a crazed look in his eye, Ikkaku searched for more things to "kill." He then proceeded to slice up all the cabinets, ovens, and pans in the room.

When he ran out of things to cut up, he turned to face the audience. The audience evidently found this extremely disturbing. Why else would they run screaming away, fighting to get to the nearest exit?

Rukia looked at the spectacle and sighed. Today was going to be a long, long day...

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I beg of you to review! I reaaallly want you to review! reviewing is for cool people! I know you want to do it! i love you.. did you know that?

lol. anyway... chapter 3 will be up shortly!


	3. 3: Author Powers

OK! This is the third chapter!

I WANT YOU TO REVIEW IT!

Cooking with Rukia!

Chapter Three- Author Powers

(once again... _inspired_ by Agent Hunk, but not stolen)

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Rukia sighed. This whole morning, she had been hounded by her obssessed fans. Now that she was in her shinigami form, nobody could see her. She had alreadydropped off her gigai at home, where Byakuya nii-sama was staying.

"Psst!" a voice hissed

Rukia whirled around, "huh?"

"Over here! No! No! Behind you!"

Rukia looked and looked, but she couldn't find where the voice was coming from.

"Down here!" the voice growled.

Rukia looked down and immediately squealed. It was a kyuuute, little, fuzzy bunny! She bent down to cuddle it, but it hopped away.

"Don't touch me!" It spat

Rukia ignored it and picked it up. She hugged it tightly, causing the rabbit to choke from oxygen deprivation.

"Stop that!" the rabbit roard," LET GO OF ME BITCH!"

Rukia dropped the bunny in surprise.

"Much better," the rabbit glared," Now where was I?"

The bunny reached behind its back and took out a box hte size of Rukia's fist. Handing the box to her, it said, "open this 12:00 at night. Do NOT, absolutely do NOT open it any earliear than that."

Narrowing its eyes, it continued," or face the consequences."

Turning, the bunny hopped away leaving a very confused Rukia in its wake.

"Wait!" she cride.

The rabbit stopped," what.. do you want?"

"What, I mean who are you? What is your name? hwere are you from?" Rukia asked.

Facing Rukai, the rabbit stated," My name is Kyota, I'm a messenger, and I was sent be the boss, Hollow Heart."

There was a long pause. Rukia's gaze hardened. She jumped back 10 feet (she's still in her shinigami form) and pulled out her sword.

"your boss.. is.. a hollow? Well then.. That means I will have to kill you."

Rukia stepped menacingly toward the rabbit.

Kyota sweatdropped. He was in deep shit.

"W-w-wait! She's not a hollow! Her name **IS** Hollow Heart! T-that's just her name!" he stammered

"Oh... is that so...?" Rukia said narrowing her eyes.

Kyota nodded furiously.

Rukia smiled cheerfully,"Well if that's true..." She sheathed her sword and picked up Kyota, hugging him. This time, Kyota was too terrified to object.

"Oh. One last question." Rukia said setting the rabbit down," what's in the box?

Kyota grinned, weaving intricate symbols in the air with his paw, forming a sort of portal. He hopped toward it slowly.

Looking back, he said two words," Author Powers."

There was a bright flash of light and Kyota disappeared.

**TO BE CONTINUED... **

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Well? what did ya think?

Took me about 3 hours to write it. Yawn. So.. tired... PLZ review! This fanfiction will probably be updated, at the very least, once a week. So... PLZ review! any ideas? what foods should RUkia make? Who should be invited onto the show? I've already got he next chapter planned out.. Just too lazy to write it now... I'l do it later...


	4. 4: Author Powers pt 2

I don't have anything to say, really… except for the fact that ONLY 4 PEOPLE HaVe REVIEWED MY FIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel sad, alone, desolated, and…. frustrated. CAN"T A GIRL GET REVIEWS EVERY ONCE IN A WHILEEE????!!!

If I don't start getting reviews, I'm not even gonna bother to continue this fic.

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Cooking with Rukia

Chapter Four- Author Powers (part 2)

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"What's in the box?"

Looking back, the rabbit grinned," Author Powers." With that, it disappeared into the portal with a flash of light.

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Walking home, Rukia pondered her encounter with Kyota, the bunny.

Opening her fist, she stared at the box. "Author powers, huh..." She whispered, her words trailing into the night.

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It was dark. Under the shadows, a girl sat behind a desk impatiently awaiting the arrival of a certain teen named Kyota. Sighing, she drummer her fingers on the desk, humming the song Alonez by Aqua Timez. **((WHICH STILL HAS NOT COME OUT IN FULL VERSION YET!!!!!!))**

There was a brigh flash of light, and a rabbit hopped through the portal.

"Kyota." the girl siad.

Kyota bowed," I have returned."

"Very well. You accomplished your mission, I assume?"

Kyota nodded furiously, his ear flopping everywhere.

The girl sighed. "Kyota, can you _please_ return to your original form? It is quite tiring to have to talk to a little, white rabbit."

"Hai." Kyota put his paws together and shouted," HENGE!!! transform (it's from naruto)"

Smoke enveloped him and in place of the rabbit, a teenage boy was crouching. He had spiky black hair and a black shirt with no sleeves which revealed a swirling tattoo on his right shoulder. (his pants were also black).

"Now that you are back to normal, explain to me what happened."

"Hai, Hollow Heart."

Hollow Heart grinned and leaned back in her chair. "Do tell."

"Hai."

--------------------------------

Rukia opened the door to her house and walked into the living room. She gasped. Byakuya nii-sama was sleeping on the couch with colorful and elaborate drawings all over his face.

Rukia stifled a giggle. Byakuya had a black eye drawn with a purple sharpie marker, a rainbow that started from his left cheek and ended on his right ear.

Lipstick was missily applied to his mouth, squigglies of every color decorated his forehead, and last but not least, purple eyeshadow, eyeliner, and mascara gave him the emo look. More or less, Byakuya nii-sama looked like one of those gay men you see sometimes on the streets of New York. ((Wait. What am I talking about? I'm sorry. You don't sometimes see gay men in New York. You ALWAYS see gay men in New York. Not that I have anything against gay men. they are pretty awesome)).

It must have been Pyon who did this. Pyon the konpaku pill that Rukia had used to separate her spirit body from her gigai. Pyon, the pill that came with the Chappy Soul Candy dispenser. Pyon, th- OK OK WE GET IT NOW!

Geez. At that moment, Pyon stuck her head out from around the wall.

"Rukia-Chaaaaaann!!!!"Pyon grinned, hugging her.

"I missed youuuuu, pyon!" she cried. " I was soooooo boooooored! So I gave Byakuya-san a makeover!!! He looks a lot better now!!!"

Rukia smiled. Byakuya nii-sama is not going to be very happy when he wakes up. He should have listened when she warned him to stay in Soul Society...

Rukia pulled out her death glove. "Hold still, Pyon!" she growled, pushing the mod soul out of her gigai.

Bending down, she picked up the konpaku pill and returned to her gigai. Before heading to her room, she glanced at Byakuya once more, causing her to smile.

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In her room, Rukia took out he small box. She looked at her digital clock. 11:55 PM. Almost 12. Rolling over to her side, she wondered whether or not she should open the box. 11:56. Her mind raced. Box. Open? no. Yes! Should I? 11: 59.

"Errrrggh..."

The clock beeped. 12:00.

Rukai threw open the lid and everything went dark.

**TBC**

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Welll... I personally didn't think this chapter was all that good... But... I had to write it so that Rukia could get her Author powers. This was reaaally hard to write since there were no funny parts at all. Anyway, next chapter, Rukia should be back to her cooking show.

PLZ REVIEW!!!! I"M TIRED OF NOBODY REVIEWING!!!!!

Oh, and uh... anybody know where I can download that song, Alonez by Aqua Timez? I have the TV size, but no full version. ditto for Tsumaki by Oreskaband. nnn... the Oreskaband is playing at Anime Expo in Anaheim, California... I wanta go... but... I can't...

waaaa oh well.

I BEG OF YOU!!! REVIEW!!!!


	5. 5: What the hell just happened pt1

Thanx for those who DID review and those who didN'T review should review.

Ok! I changed my screen name, since no matter how many times I searched for it on author search, it wouldn't come up. So... now, it came up! yayayayayy! I'm happy!

AND MAD AT THE SAME TIME SINCE _SOMEBODY_ WON't REVIEW!!!!

okay... here are some things:  
**((xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx))** are little notes by me!

'xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx' are the little translation for the little japanese I know! yay!

haha... now... **_REVIEW, DAMMIT!_**

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Cooking with Rukia

Chapter 5-What the hell happened and would you like fries with that?

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Rukia paced around backstage her show, Cooking with Rukia!. She remembered walking home yesterday after running away from the paparazzi, but everything after that was a bit hazy. She had a vague memory of a talking rabbit, but that was quickly expelled from her head since... I mean, there's no such thing as talking rabbits, right?

Rukia sighed and sat down, slamming her hands on the table in frustration. This was one of those times she wished she had a nice slice of molten chocolate cake with hot fudge. Sitting up, she sniffed. She smelled... chocolate.

Huh? there was a slice of the molten chocolate cake she wanted right on the table in front of her. But that... that wasn't there when she sat down. There had been nothing on the table except for a mug of coffee, which had long turned cold. What? She had wished for cake, and she got cake. What's happening? Wha-

"R-Rukia-san?" Hanatarou entered the room, stammering, interrupting her train of thoughts,"You go on in 5 minutes..."

"Ah! Hanatarou-kun! Arigatou!"Rukia looked up," Mmm... Hanatarou-kun?"

Hanatarou quickly turned around "Hai, Rukia-san?"

"Uh... well... did anybody come in here?"

Hanatarou shook his head, " Iye, Rukia-san."

Rukia hastily stood up, "ah... Arigato... Well I must be going..."

Hanatarou bowed, "It was nice talking to you, Rukia-san.

Rukai sighed and walked over to Hanatarou. She smacked him lightly ont he head. "No need to be so formal! Rukia is just fine..."

Hanatarou stared. This girl...

"Aggh!" Rukia started," I've got less than half a minute to get on set!"

She ran out the door and knocked a certain red-haired vice captain over. "Outta my way, loser!" she growled pushing him out of the way and streaked for the exit.

Renji groaned and pulled himself up. He walked into the break room, rubbing his head. "Oww...nrr... what's with her..."

Hanatarou was staring at a wall. Renji rose an eyebrow and turned away. He saw the yummy cake on the table.

"Oooh! Cake!" Renji grabbed a fork from a drawer and attacked it.

-------- (o.o) kirby was run over!!! nooo!!!-----------------------

Rukia ran onto the stage smiling and waving. The crowd cheered her on.

Rukia ran over to the front of the stage. "Hey guys!" she grinned, " We have a very special guest today! She is one of my friends, and her name is... Inoue Orihime! **((okay, I completely forgot which was her first name, and which was her last name. anyhow, it's supposed to be last name first, then first name. Plz tell me which is which!)) **

Orihime walked onto the stage and tripped. She got up quickly, her face turning red. "Haha..." She giggled nervously, rubbing the back of ther head.

Rukia and many members of the audeince sweatdropped. The boys, on the other hand, stared, drool almost coming out of their mouths.

"Ah haha..." Rukia pretended to giggle.

"Ohayou 'good morning' , Kuchiki-san." Orihime said, still red.

Rukia grinned," Who's Kuchiki-san? My name's Rukia! pleased ta meetcha!"

Orihime was taken aback. "D-demo! b-but! "

Rukia ignored her, "Soooo... Today, we will be making two things!!!" Her mind went to the chocolate cake. "Molten chocolate cake... and an original creation of your own!"

"Molten chocolate cake?" Orihime began to daydream...

"AUGGH! BAD CROW! BAD DOGGY! GIVE ME BACK MY FERRARI!!!!"

Orihime woke from her daydream to see Rukia staring peculiarly at her.

"Okaay..." Orihime worried Rukia a lot.

Rukia walked over to the island in the middle of the set. "Okay! First we gather all the ingredients! We need: chocolate, of course, semi-sweet is most preferable, we need 4 eggs, some vegetable oil, 2 cups of water, half a cup of milk, and... and..."

**((Okay... I seriously don't know what to put in a cake... I only know how to make the cake that comes in the boxes... u know... the instant kind...))**

Rukia frantically searched for the last ingredient. "Umm... uh..right... uh..." Rukia stammered, " I can't seem to find..."

"WHERE"S THE FLOUR?! CAN"T FIND THE FLOUR!" Rukia screamed inwardly.

Rukia was devastated. Not having an ingredient is a HUGE mistake on cooking shows! The critics will... No! I won't even think about it! Only my third show, and I'm ruined... I need that flour... I really... really... need it...**((I don't know if it's true, or not, but.. I don't care. lol))**

Rukia dropped to the floor looking in cabinets if flour was there, she smacked the ground with her hands and heard Orihime gasp. Rukia looked up to see Orihime's face frozen with shock.

"Orihime! what's wrong?" Rukia saw what was in Inoue's arms, " Oh! How did you know I neede flour?"

Rukia ran over to Orihime and hugged her. She took the flour and set it on the table. "Thanks for bringing flour! I really really needed it! I owe ya!

Orihime mumbled incoherently

Rukia cocked her head, " huh?"

Orihime whispered," I.. didn't... bring it with me... it... just... appeared..."

Rukia frowned for a moment, then grinned," Inoue! Ah! you are such the joker! you must have veen the one who gave me that cake earlier!"

Orihime shook her head. "That.. wasn't... me..."

Rukia just stared.

"That... wasn't... me..."

------------------XD---------------------

Hollowheart sat behind her desk, watching the screen in front of her intently. Kyota sat on the dest in his bunny guise. "Is everything going the way you planned?" he asked, eyeing the laptop screen, which now showed Rukia furiously searching for something.

Hollowheart smiled and leaned back in her chair.

"Che... Everything is going _exactly _the way I planned."

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Sorry about the delay... I actually had it all typed out on about 4 days ago...but when I clicked on "save changes," it just deleted the whole thing instead of saving it... I was soooo fucking mad...

Anyhow, I 'll try to update faster, now that I have more free time.

Augh... This chapter wasn't funny at all... I'll try to make the next one better... +sigh+ Ooh! Ooh! look! Naruto!!!!!lol! (I haven't found one for ichigo yet... When I do, I'll tell ya!

PLZ REVIEW! I'm really sad... because these are getting harder to write since I have no motivation... When you review, you make me happy, and it keeps me going!

Oh yeah! person who sent me a whole bunch of review, thanx! ya really made me hyper for a while! And.. those are some pretty good ideas... I'll have ta look into them!

RADIO KON, BABY!

aaand... ICHIGO IS AWWESOME!!!


	6. 6: What the hell just happened pt2

Ok! this is chapter 6!

I feel better since more people are reviewing and reading my fic...

yayayayayay! buuuuut I'm greedy, sooo...mwahhahaahahahahahA! (basically it's not enough...)

sooooo review more! you know... I lately found that my favorite phrase is "..."

and I tend to draw out my words... like "sooooooo review more!"

And my obsession with Ichigo still has not stopped. I think it's normal, but my friends think I need to see a psychologist...

'sigh'

anywaaaay... back to the fic (since u probably want me to shut up right now...)

and shit. I forgot to put on the disclaimer for the previous chapters... Don't wanta get sued, sooo this will make up for the earlier chapters:

I do NOT own bleach... but I wish I did

I am NOT Kubo Tite... but I wish I was... (have u seen his picture? he's pretty hot...lol)

Oh, and before I start, I forgot to tell you...

**This takes place _after_ the Arrancar War, which is AFTER the Hueco Mundo arc...**

**Ichigo and company are all at least 21, and Rukia and all the other shinigami are all... just... old. lol.**

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Cooking with Rukia!!

Chapter 5- What the hell just happened, and would ya like fries with that? pt 2

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Rukia sighed. It had been a long night. But! she had somehow finished baking the cake. All that was left to do was to make your own creation.

Right now, they had cut to a commercial break. Rukia glanced at Orihime. She was happily eating the chocolate cake they had toiled so long to make.

A movement cought her eye. The cameraman was waving, signaling the near end of the commercials. Rukia walked over to teh stage.

The cameraman signaled: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go!

Rukia's entire demeanor changed.. She grinned," hello, and welcome back to Coooooking with Rukia!!!! We already showed you how to make a delicious molten chocolate cake, but do you know how to make Inoue's or my favorite treats?

Some of the audience shook their heads. Orihime nodded her head furiously, a serious look on her face.

Rukia continued, " My favorite is mochi! It's a japanese dessert filled with red bean past!"

Rukia turned to Orihime. "What;s ur favorite food, Orihime?

Orihime thought for a moment,"!"

Rukia sighed," Inoue-san, that's a fast-food restaurant, not a food."

Orihime pouted,"aww... fine... uhhhh... yukabishinato!"

Rukia remained expressionless," huh?"

Orihime saw Rukia looking at her with a weird face, and hastily explained," It's my own creation!"\

Rukia nodded slowly and turned back to the audience," I will explain to you how to make mochi, and Orihime here, will tell you how to make... uh... er... Yu..kabish..a...nutty!"

Orihime frowned. that didn't sound right...

"It's yukabishinato! not yukabishanutty!" she protested.

Rukia started," Oh! sorry, hime!"

RUkia began her demonstration of mochi.

"First you get out the sugar and..." Rukia went on... **((Alright... I'm to lazy to write out the entire process, and I don't know the recipe... sooo...))**

Rukia said," And after you wait for 5-10 minutes, it should turn out like this!"

She opened the refridgerator door and extracted a mochi from the plate.

Taking a bite, she smiled," mmmm.. Well.. because I thought that some people might want to try some, I made a whole bunch before hand!"

Two men walked onto the stage carrying the trays.

Renji and Byakuya. Renji was walking quite straight, but was slightly staggering under the weight of the heavy mochi. Byakuya had a paper bag on his head... Evidently, he still had not been able to was off the "makeover" Pyon gave him.

He also had forgotten to cut eyeholes, causing him to stumble blindly toward the sound of Renji's footsteps. Unfortunately, Renji's walking did not inform him of the stairs.

Renji glanced backwards, ran to the bottom of the stairs, got out of the way, and grinned widely. The audience leaned forward in their seats. Rukia was too busy cleaning up to notice.

"eEEEAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!" (byakuya stepping on air)

BAM! CRASH! BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM! (byakuya falling)

plopplopplopploplopipopploppiplpipopilpoip... (the mochi falling) Then.. as if to add insult to injury, one fell on Byakuya's head.

The audience roared with laughter. Byakuya painfully got up, the paper bag, somehow had slipped off. His long, black, sleek hair covered his face.

The fangirls in the audience squealed. Byakuya looked up, his face contorted in pain, and the hair fell from his face revealing the wonderful artwork of Pyon.

"..." There was utter silence. The fangirls had even stopped squealing (that's pretty serious). Renji stared. Then... a little girl in the audience broke the silence. Pointing, she cutely said, "Mommy? Is that a gay man?"

Renji smirked.

"Honey...shh.."

Byakuya was glad at least one person knew he wasn't gay...

"It's rude to point..."The mother continued, eyeing Byakuya as if he was psycho.

BAM! A boulder out of nowhere fell on Byakuya. Renji stifled a giggle.

Rukia, by now, had noticed the situation. She had been frozen in shock, but now had recovered. She ran as fast as she could to Byakuya, concern written all over her face. When she got to his side, she choked out," Byakuya...Nii...sama... you..."

Byakuya looked at her," Ru..kia.."

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST DESTROYED ALL MY MOCHI!!!! I SPENT SIX HOURS JUST MAKING THOSE!!!YOU BIG FAT BAKAAAA!!!!

"Gah!" Rukia had kicked Byakuya.

The audience could't stand it anymore. Tears ran down their face as they gripped the sides of seat, trying not to fall into the aisles.

Byakuya his eyes tearing. He hid his once perfect face in his scarf and ran off the stage...almost successfully...(he ran into a wall), which caused the audience to laugh even harder.

Rukia was confused. What was so funny? Her precious mochi was ruined... She looked around her and came to her senses. Renji was rolling around on the ground laughing, mochi in the tray beside him. Orihime's face was red, she hadn't been able to breathe.

Orihime managed to choke out," thi-this w-wwas fu-unnier th an t the ti me K-keigo wa s be at up by a bun ch of gi rls for pervertedness!"

Rukia laughed. That was during the Arrancar War, after Orihime had been rescued. Keigo saw some arrancar girls in Karakura and had started hitting on them. If it wasn't for the fact the girls were on their side, Keigo probably would have been killed.

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"Atchoo!" Keigo sneezed into his hands.

Mizuiro wrinkled his nose in digust, " That's nasty, Keigo!"

Ichigo agreed,"Yeah, it is..."

Chad said nothing, as usual, but leaned away from Keigo.

Ishida pushed up his glasses. "..."

"...Sooo... Who's up for sake??!!! My treat!" Keigo grinned, giving the thumbs up sign and winking. He ran outside to the nearest bar.

Ichigo looked at Chad. Chad looked at Mizuiro. Mizuiro looked at Ishida. Ishida thought for a moment and gave a slight nod.

Everybody ran for the doors.

---------------------------------------------

YAy! I'm gonna write an omake! yayayay! For those idiots who don't know what an omake is, it's like a short spoof or parody!

-----omake!!!!---------------

(oh and just ta tell ya, I'm an Aizen hater) lol

-Aizen is on the ground, burning... He's twitching.. then he stops. (cuz he's dead)-

Me: -sniff- such a beautiful ending...

Echoing voice: I liked the part when he stopped moving...

Me: Stopped moving? I liked the part when he was burning!

Echoing voice: Well, actually, i really don't care, just as long as he died.

Me: True... very true...

Echoing voice: ...

Me: Uh...who exactly am I talking to?! O.O

Echoing voice:... um... your ...conscience?

Me: Oh... ok!

Echoing voice: ...

Me: HEY! Wait a minute!!!!

---------------------lol!------------------------

Sooo... NExt chapter will be about Orihime's creation! It's pretty short, though...

But! That means more time to use other topics! Yay!  
I like ichiruki, and I can think of a couple ways to squeeze it in there... but I'm sorry, I can't.

Maybe I'll write a fic about ichiruki, but not this one...Sorry, MCRdeathGOD...

Ok.. I've been trying to make this funny, but it's not exactly working out.. Any ideas?

Currently, I'm only running on the ideas people give me... hmm... I think some crossovers would be interesting...


End file.
